Ten years ago, when I was a young thing of 50, I decided to do my adult bat mitzvah. That is a kind of grown up imagining of what it would have been like to have one had one at age 13 (or 12, for girls, at which time in my life I was not Jewish). The adult bat mitzvah can range from a first call up to the Torah, to giving a d'var Torah (kind of like a sermon), to chanting a haftorah*, or a combination of any of the above. There is really no prescription for this activity as an adult. I worried that it would be a bit like trying to fit into your prom dress - kind of cute for about the ten seconds that it takes to snap a photo, and then really old for everyone watching and waiting for it to be over.
However, said bat mitzvah was a joyous (although sometimes weepy) moment of my adulthood, and, it fulfilled my "OMG I'm turning 50 wish," which was to be called up for an Aliyah, to chant a Haftorah, and to visit Israel (see blog post #1). I got my beautiful prayer shawl, and learned a lot. Unfortunately, one of the things I didn't learn was Hebrew. Well, not sufficiently to be of much use. I had a unique learning system, cobbled together by moi, enhanced musically by hubby, and taught to me by my friend David (who not only is a great teacher, but can basically recite most of the Torah from memory, very much in Hebrew).
Now, ten years later, wouldn't it be great to prove to myself and everyone else that the old noggin is fresh as a 50-year old, I thought. Ha ha! Ain't it the truth that was easy at 50 isn't easy at 60, and what we breezed through at 30 is awful at 40, including cardio and high heels. Le sigh.
And so I struggle on with my Haftorah, which is Lech Lecha. I even bounced some other guy who wanted to do it this coming weekend, so I could blithely show off that a decade hasn't phased my haftorah moxy. Oy. Pride goeth before a falling minor key, so to speak. But I'll do it. Despite my current Rabbi's comment about my use of music instead of my absorption of the trope, "oh, with training wheels?" Ouch. Thanks, Rabbi. Music I can read. Hebrew? Not so much.
But he's right. Because the kind of pathetic thing is, that ten years later, I still have not learned Hebrew. Despite my good intentions, despite my having got through my bat mitzvah unscathed, with a promise to my future self - "you've got 10 years! You can memorize it for age 60!," I am still relying on my training wheels.
But maybe that's ok. Possibly a bit painful for the minyan assembled this Shabbat, but surely they will cut me some slack. After all, I am 60. And haftorahs are hard (for me). Wish me luck.
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*The Oxford dictionary defines Haftorah as: "Noun. Judaism. A short reading from the Prophets that follows the reading from the Law in a synagogue." In my case, from Isaiah.
